Spinning Back & Forth

Tried to leave the apartment this morning, but I just couldn’t make it happen.  Tried and tried again.  No dice.

Lots going on in my headspace this morning.  Connected with Shauna last night.  Just hung out talking drama and philosophy for four hours while Hanna & Jazz played together.  We had our own differences earlier this year, but worked those out.  It’s nice to let water flow under the bridge.  I missed our talks.

Tried to leave once more.  It’s like I was stuck inside.  Actually, I WAS stuck inside.

More trips through my headspace.  SCN had its license approved by the CRTC yesterday.  Bodes well for my career.  Even if some of my own projects don’t get picked up, I could probably find myself working on someone else’s.  It’ll still be a few months before the cash is flowing, but at least there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

Put my hand on the door knob.  Couldn’t bring myself to open the door.

I go through these cycles of highs and lows.  It’s not even like I resolve anything.  I just snap in and out of ‘em with a single thought, conversation, or even a memory sabotaging me unexpected.  Getting better at paying attention to the cycles though.  Getting better at handling them.  It’s like we don’t even NEED a reason cuz these cycles are going to come and go regardless.  Kind of has a way of illegitimizing legitimate reasons.  I like that.

Turned the door knob once more.  It just spun.  Both directions, same result.  Finally I got a screw driver, removed the door knob, called the land lord, and left for Atlantis with Jazzy.

When life won’t let you out the door, find a screw driver.

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