An Easter Full of Unpleasant Thoughts

My brain feels magnificent!

Err… I mean… Happy Easter! Jazz and I have be fasting for 40 days – no meat or dairy, and while the going has been relatively problem free, I’ve been feeling my brain gradually disconnect from any demands I’ve been placing on it over the passed little while. My inability to focus on even the most menial tasks has been noticeable. I figure it had something to do with diet.

Jazz and I arrived in Regina on Friday night. 2,572 kms in 24 hours. We rode US Hwy 2 most of the way and it wound up being one of the best drives ever. No construction. No traffic. No weather. Beautiful scenery. Jazz sat in the passenger seat and at one point, commented on how much she likes long road trips. We converse a little, listen to FM radio, take a feel for the culture of the place we’re driving through, and watch the miles tick by. She travels like a pro. On the way back we should take pictures.

We took in Easter service at church last night with Grama. We sat upstairs in the balcony while Grama sat with the congregation. It’s the one time of year where I actually plan on going to church. Jazz attends regularly in Toronto, and she asked if I’d go with her one time when we get back. I shrugged and told her ‘sure’. I’m proud of her for walking her own spiritual path, while maintaining a healthy perspective on religion’s place in society.

I thought about Dad quite a bit as I watched the service. I thought about all the times and places and locations throughout that building where Dad and I sat together, or spoke, or times I surprised him with an unexpected visit. That church was a big deal to him at various times of his life. At the end of his days, he no longer felt that connection.

I sat up there in the balcony watching the same Easter service I’ve been seeing my whole life, and wrestled with my own feelings about that building, the people in it, and about how I’m going to deal with a trip up to Strasbourg to see Dad’s home this week. As much as I wanted to be there in those thoughts, I’m harbouring some unpleasant feelings about all of it. The end of Dad’s life brought about some ugly bits of business and I just want it all to go away.

Grama, Papa, Mom, Dave, Jazzy and I sat down for supper at 1:30am. Mom cooked cabbage rolls and I washed ’em down with two glasses of chocolate milk. It’s been sooooooooo long since I tasted something soooooooo good.

By 2:30am (or 4:30 Toronto time) I was completely spent. A belly full of mom’s home cooking, combined with a strong call to my bed, made for one of the most pleasurable sleeps in recent memory.

Today has cabbage rolls and Canasta in my future. I don’t feel like thinking about anything more beyond that.

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