Chasms Between Ambitions and Reality

Truth be told, there have been moments over this past year where I fantasized about giving up.  The chasm between my ambitions and my reality seemed so vast, that I thought I might be fooling myself.  I put off steady work and a guaranteed pay cheque for lofty hopes and dreams.  The cancer forming inside my headspace began to pollute my thinking.  I felt myself slipping away from myself.

I bought a 46″ TV last night to go with the couch I added last week.  Both are paid for.  My thinking is a world away from those places I described in that last paragraph.  I found stability, and more than the freedom and steady pay cheque I get from working in my field, I’m rediscovering that place I was in when I first moved to Toronto.

I felt unstoppable.  I believed completely in my writing and in myself.  I saw the obstacles in my path, but paid them no heed.  Everything was new, and fresh, and spectacular.  I was going to realize my ambitions.

Just finished breakfast with a producer friend of mine.  Went for a walk afterwards and found myself here, inside the lobby of CBC.  There’s a coffee beside me and a vibe to mine.  It’s time to dust Highwaymen off.  So many people have said so many good things about the pilot I wrote.  They always asked to see more.  Problem is, there was no more.  For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out the series arc past the first couple of episodes.  As a result, the pilot didn’t really go anywhere.

It’s time to figure that out.  Two or three pages should do the trick.  I decided that today is the day to begin sketching that out.  Put things back in motion.  See what happens.  It’s all I can do.