Truth be told, there have been moments over this past year where I fantasized about giving up. The chasm between my ambitions and my reality seemed so vast, that I thought I might be fooling myself. I put off steady work and a guaranteed pay cheque for lofty hopes and dreams. The cancer forming inside my headspace began to pollute my thinking. I felt myself slipping away from myself.
I bought a 46″ TV last night to go with the couch I added last week. Both are paid for. My thinking is a world away from those places I described in that last paragraph. I found stability, and more than the freedom and steady pay cheque I get from working in my field, I’m rediscovering that place I was in when I first moved to Toronto.
I felt unstoppable. I believed completely in my writing and in myself. I saw the obstacles in my path, but paid them no heed. Everything was new, and fresh, and spectacular. I was going to realize my ambitions.
Just finished breakfast with a producer friend of mine. Went for a walk afterwards and found myself here, inside the lobby of CBC. There’s a coffee beside me and a vibe to mine. It’s time to dust Highwaymen off. So many people have said so many good things about the pilot I wrote. They always asked to see more. Problem is, there was no more. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out the series arc past the first couple of episodes. As a result, the pilot didn’t really go anywhere.
It’s time to figure that out. Two or three pages should do the trick. I decided that today is the day to begin sketching that out. Put things back in motion. See what happens. It’s all I can do.