Being Still

I’m sitting here in my campsite in Killbear Provincial Park.  Mel, Jerry, and Sharon are swimming at the beach.  I’m enjoying a pot of freshly brewed campstove coffee by myself.  My mood is calm and I feel good.

I wrote yesterday how this weekend will be about stillness – a chance to see how the balls orbiting my universe will play out.  More than that, I believe this time is for developing a deeper understanding for how it all connects as I sit in the quiet of this place.

I received an email yesterday from the CFC.  More than anything, I felt getting into this program would be the key to my future in Toronto.  They’re only accepting 8 writers per year and they had more applicants than at any other time in their history.

I didn’t make the cut.

As it usually happens with these big moments in my life, the news just sort of bounced off me.  I’m not upset or regretful.  If anything, a whole great big Red Sea opened up and now I can walk through.  I’m not bound up, passing up, or avoiding opportunities that might have conflicted with this program.  I also kind of noticed how I stopped trying to contact production companies, looking to break in to their writing room because I figured this program would open more doors, faster.

Balls are orbiting my life at this moment, and I’m going to spend the day not thinking about them.  I have a strong feeling that I’ll see them with greater focus when I return to Toronto.