I’ve been focusing on simplifying my life.
No more complex friendships. No more friends with benefits. No more pursuing women who I know’ll be bad for my headspace, or who I don’t respect. No more make out sessions on dance floors with girls I’ll never see again (actually, that only happened once).
No more giving up giant pieces of myself to those who give nothing back.
I deleted a bunch of numbers from my phone, and purged a bunch more off facebook. Scrubbed my SKYPE account clean too. Their names no longer come up whilst scrolling through my daily technological interactions. But for one or two, they’re no longer in my thoughts either. I’ve seriously retarded my ability to contact them, even if I wanted too.
It’s not like I’ve been a big whore or anything. My last bit of carnal knowledge came sometime in December, and that was with a girl I’d been seeing. I just needed to limit the confusion of possibilities I had swimming around my headspace.
For five years, I’ve been like a moth to the flame. Dysfunctional, crazy, and/or unstable women got the best parts of me. When I wasn’t chasing those shiny objects, I was filling up my plate with ‘friends’ whom I’d want to be more than friends, but never got anywhere with because I’d already fallen into ‘friend’ territory.
In my life there is my career, my home, my family, my ‘true’ friends, and now space for someone meaningful to enter. This isn’t to say I can’t be friends with women, I’m just planning to be more clear in my intentions with them. Indeed, I continue to have fabulous friendships with many women in my life. Probably more female friends there than male – but that’s just me.
Relationships are simple when you define them. You and I both agree that we will focus on being lovers. We have the same expectations and motivations. If it works out, great! If not, that’s okay too. I’ve been through my share of heartbreak. Always got a story out of deal. Kept a few treasured memories and let the bad ones fade. Though I may have tumbled a spell, I always landed on my feet.
I was using the ‘royal you’ there just now – the ‘you’ you are when we’re talking about all of us. My mom reads this stuff.
So there it is. Simplicity. From now on, I’m only chasing the gooders.