Humbling Towards Ecstasy

I sat on a picnic table outside the soundstage yesterday and it was like a family reunion.  The place was crawling with film creatures who I’ve known forever.

I felt strange being there.  They all seemed happy to see me, but I just didn’t feel that great about myself.  I was there meeting with a producer friend of mine who has a movie going to camera next week.  She starts prep on her next movie later in July.  There’s another TV series shooting and a massive big movie later in the fall.  Seems like lots of work this summer.

It’s been a long dry spell for a lot of people.  They’re happy to be working and I’m genuinely happy for them.  I think that’s why they were so warm towards me.  They were in my shoes only a couple weeks ago.

Still, I couldn’t shake that feeling… like I was crashing someone else’s party.  Or maybe it was pride messing with me.  Whenever I’ve been in that building, I was a producer or production manager.  I was on top of the food chain.  Now I’m picking over what’s left of the vacant crew positions.

They did offer me something last night and I’ll be going over the details with them later today.  The job involves a fair bit of independence and I’ll be working with some high profile people.  The hours might be a little more flexible than a typical crew position (mostly because I won’t be working with the crew).  Should allow me to stay on top of my writing and other projects while making some key Los Angeles connections.  I am thankful for the opportunity.

Mostly however, I’m disappointed in myself for allowing ‘prestige’ to be such a factor in my headspace.  I thought I rid myself of that, but alas, I merely disguised it as something else.  I shed my corporate identity only to become a prideful artist — too proud to ask someone else for a job while I waited for the development of my own projects to run their course.

I’m going to take this time to learn humility.  When one lets go of one’s ego, one becomes free to find his path.

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