Being Huge

I hit the gym yesterday.  Now I’m huge.  You have to squint your eyes and tilt your head to see it, but the evidence is irrefutable.  I am huge now.

I decided to hit Atlantis this morning to show off my new found hugeness.  It’s been going really well so far.  I sat next to a pretty girl too.  We didn’t talk or anything, but she did leave after a few minutes.  Now I’m just sitting here in the window, being huge, all alone.

I finished my muffin a short while ago.  I had goop on my hands so I went to the bathroom to wash ‘em.  Checked myself in the mirror to make sure I’m still huge.  Guess what?  I’m huge!

Yuppers.  Nothing to do now but sit around and think about the sorts of things I can do now with my newfound hugeness.  Mostly I want to write and make TV shows.  Can’t lift anything.  Muscles are too sore.

I’m starting to feel the wall coming up on me again.  I’m driving straight towards it at 200 miles per hour.  Any day now the phone will ring, and the person on the other side of that call will have either good news, or bad news.  I’ve never had so much riding on a single moment in time.  The next three years of my life will be strongly influenced by that one telephone call.

I’m nervous about what I’ll do if the news is bad.  I’m nervous about what I’ll do if the news is good.  The biggest mistakes of my career came from getting exactly what I wanted.  The greatest learning experiences of my career came from those exact same mistakes.

In the meantime, there are my other projects, even bigger projects.  Industry folks tell me they’re full of potential.  I feel like a kid in a candy store with his mouth wired shut.  Those projects with high potential are just waiting, waiting, waiting for the right moment to come.  I’m losing, losing, losing patience.  For what it’s worth, the story’s the same with everyone in my industry.

Is there more I can be doing?  I’ve been asking myself that.  I’ve been looking at each individual project and the answers won’t come easy.

Mostly, I’m trying not to delude myself.

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