You and I are standing in a room.
ME: So… do you want to go out with me?
YOU: I’m not into ‘dating’.
ME: No. I meant outside.
YOU: Don’t know. I’m terrible at making decisions.
ME: The roof is on fire.
YOU: Yes. Indeed. That is a problem isn’t it?
ME: Depends on one’s perspective I suppose. It’s certainly a negative from our point of view because we may burn to death, along with the rest of the roof and die.
YOU: Unless dying in a roof fire is one’s objective.
ME: Certainly. However, dying in a roof fire is not my objective at this moment.
YOU: Nor mine.
ME: Good. However, from the perspective of the person who set the roof on fire, said roof fire would certainly be a positive outcome.
YOU: Provided said individual who set said roof on fire actually set out to start said roof on fire.
ME: Well said.
YOU: I think I need more information before I can render a decision.
ME: The roof is on fire and we’re going to die if we don’t move.
YOU: It certainly appears so, however, are you familiar with Plato’s Cave Metaphor?
ME: There’s a fire in that one too.
YOU: Yes, but that’s not why I’m bringing it up.
ME: Sorry. Just trying to hurry things along. The roof is on fire and we’re going to die if we don’t move soon.
YOU: Would you like some tea?
ME: Tea sounds lovely.
We sit down at the table. Two steaming mugs of tea magically appear. At this moment a shirtless man walks into the room.
SHIRTLESS MAN: What’s up?
You roll your eyes.
ME: We’re trying to make a proper decision about when to leave this room because the roof is on fire.
SHIRTLESS MAN: Yeah I know. Set it myself.
ME: On fire?
SHIRTLESS MAN: Yeah. It was fuckin’ cool.
YOU: Why did you set the roof on fire?
SHIRTLESS MAN: (annoyed) Cuz it was fuckin’ cool. Wanna go out with me?
SHIRTLESS MAN: What?
ME: No. We’re going to stay here and make a proper decision about when to leave because the roof is on fire and we’ll burn to death if we don’t leave soon.
SHIRTLESS MAN: So… do you want to text or something?
SHIRTLESS MAN: No. Her.
He points at you.
YOU: I have made a decision.