Properly Considered Decisions

You and I are standing in a room.

ME: So… do you want to go out with me?
YOU: I’m not into ‘dating’.
ME: No.  I meant outside.
YOU: Don’t know.  I’m terrible at making decisions.
ME: The roof is on fire.
YOU: Yes.  Indeed.  That is a problem isn’t it?
ME: Depends on one’s perspective I suppose.  It’s certainly a negative from our point of view because we may burn to death, along with the rest of the roof and die.
YOU: Unless dying in a roof fire is one’s objective.
ME: Certainly.  However, dying in a roof fire is not my objective at this moment.
YOU: Nor mine.
ME: Good.  However, from the perspective of the person who set the roof on fire, said roof fire would certainly be a positive outcome.
YOU: Provided said individual who set said roof on fire actually set out to start said roof on fire.
ME: Well said.
YOU: I think I need more information before I can render a decision.
ME: The roof is on fire and we’re going to die if we don’t move.
YOU: It certainly appears so, however, are you familiar with Plato’s Cave Metaphor?
ME: There’s a fire in that one too.
YOU: Yes, but that’s not why I’m bringing it up.
ME: Sorry.  Just trying to hurry things along.  The roof is on fire and we’re going to die if we don’t move soon.
YOU: Would you like some tea?
ME: Tea sounds lovely.

We sit down at the table.  Two steaming mugs of tea magically appear.  At this moment a shirtless man walks into the room.

SHIRTLESS MAN: What’s up?

You roll your eyes.

ME: We’re trying to make a proper decision about when to leave this room because the roof is on fire.
SHIRTLESS MAN: Yeah I know.  Set it myself.
ME: On fire?
SHIRTLESS MAN: Yeah.  It was fuckin’ cool.
YOU: Why did you set the roof on fire?
SHIRTLESS MAN: (annoyed) Cuz it was fuckin’ cool.  Wanna go out with me?
YOU: Outside?
SHIRTLESS MAN: What?
YOU: What?
ME: No.  We’re going to stay here and make a proper decision about when to leave because the roof is on fire and we’ll burn to death if we don’t leave soon.
SHIRTLESS MAN: So… do you want to text or something?
ME: Me?
SHIRTLESS MAN: No.  Her.

He points at you.

YOU: I have made a decision.

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