Writing in this blog is a way for me to check in with myself. Been doing nothing but revelling in my own thoughts for the past 24 hours. Funny how I don’t get anywhere until I form them into letters and make sentences.
One night last week, I assembled different parts of my relationship with Court together, and wrote a fictional scene. Five pages of properly formatted screenplay. It’s good too methinks. All I have to do is change the names and I can submit it as a scene study somewhere.
The scene was fiction, but the words were real. We spoke them to each other at different times throughout the last 12 months. It wasn’t an angry scene. Wasn’t hopeful or conclusive, or even pessimistic. It was a ray of fading light inside a cavern of darkness. It was acceptance. It was a photograph of our relationship.
I have accepted that I need to go away and work on myself. I look in the mirror and I see the things I DON’T have. They say you’re not free until you’re free to walk away. You can’t find balance when you’re clinging to desires that only serve to fuel your imbalance.
As much as I’ve learned, I need to learn more. I need to calm my mind. I need to nurture my body. I need to peace my spirit. I need to practice my craft. I need to go deeper.
All of those things are already sitting around inside me somewhere. I just need to find them. How rich would I be then?