Finished my book. It took me a few days to compile and then proof read 324 pages of myself. Needs a better ending. I’m a bit at a loss for words to describe the experience of taking myself in so thoroughly over such a compressed period of time. Painful memories. Memories of elation. Memories I forgot about. Memories in between the words I wrote. Memories I’d re-live again in a heartbeat.
Career wise, I started lots of things, but never really saw them through, at least not by the time the book ended. Hopefully that changes this year. For what its worth, that’s the same story everyone in my industry’s been telling.
Headspace wise, it’s kind of depressing at times. Lots of worrying about the same old things without a lot of progress. At other times, it’s almost embarrassingly positive. I’m the eternal optimist, and sometimes I’m not sure if I’m just fooling myself, or if I truly am doing my best to move forward. Having said that, you can’t be in my industry, or live my lifestyle, without an optimistic frame of mind. Wolves will tear you apart otherwise.
Philosophically speaking, it was a year to put my rhetoric where my actions were. Did alright there. Not sure if I found the fine line between moving forward from bad juju, or if I simply chose to NOT deal with some things whilst distracting myself with other parts of my life. I spent plenty of time looking in the mirror, trying to see truth. Made a genuine effort to be honest with myself. I continue to be a work in progress.
Courtney seemed to dominate my emotional life. I don’t want to paint her in a bad light here. She’s someone who’s been dealing with the wreckage of an incredibly fucked up past. I chose to strap myself in and ride the turbulence with her. I knew what I was getting myself into, and I chose to hang in there. My greatest wish, is that she will find peace on her own terms. At the moment, I’m prepared to hang on, be her friend, and continue to be.
Perhaps, ‘become’ would be a better way of putting it. I never stood still for any single person, event, or ambition through any part of last year. I’m most pleased with that accomplishment. My life is rich. Many good things fill it. Bad things keep it interesting.
Every good story needs obstacles in the way. I won’t complain.