I’m sitting in a bar drinking a pint. Just finished chatting up the singer who’s about to go on stage. She’s an old acquaintance. Directed her in the Vagina Monologues a couple years back. Fun times.
I’m sitting at the back in the dark and I like it that way. Don’t want anyone to see me. Just want to stare at the wall and wish I could cry. First time in my life I ever felt this way about a bar.
They say you’re better off not hitching yourself to anything. Just sit back and appreciate the cosmic view of things. I’m tired of being a spectator most of the time. I’m tired of seeing the big picture everywhere I go. I’m tired of being strong for all those who can’t. I’m tired of being above it all.
I also hate that my best writing comes out of moods like this. Something’s gonna bust loose soon. Something’s gonna give and I’m up for whatever I get.
The crowd’s grown since I started. Jeanette said she hates playing bars. My pint’s half gone and I’m about done with all this shit. Time to buck up. Close up. Stare at the wall and dig some music.
See you all tomorrow.
I wrote that last night before the bands started playing. Shortly after closing my laptop for the night, a face from my past showed up. Nicole. She came with her new man. She’s really happy and that made me happy.
Of all the bars in all the places of all the times… She joined me at my table on this night, at that moment. Things ended kind of badly nearly a year ago.
Time kind of took care of her. I guess the same can happen for me.