For Immediate Release
HIGHWAYMEN FORFEIT GAME DUE TO PLANE CRASH
Oct 22, 2010 (Yellowhead, Sk) The Yellowhead Highwaymen were forced to forfeit their recent away game after their plane crashed over the Saskatchewan Alps. “The Flux Capacitor blew on the cigarette lighter in the cockpit and next thing you know… all the coffee makers were offline,” began Highwaymen Owner/Coach, Captain Jarrett Rusnak. “It was chaos and then the plane’s engines stalled and I was like, ‘I totally want to have sex with a hot chick in the bathroom before the plane goes down.’”
The plane made an emergency landing in a field near Saskatoon. Due to the uncertainty of the situation, Highwaymen coaches and players were forced to eat some of their fellow passengers. “Well, we kind of felt bad about that, but we didn’t have time to grab something in the restaurant before we left,” said Rusnak. “Then a bunch of people from Saskatoon showed up to rescue us, and they started talking about their goddamed river, and how pretty their city is, and how they’re so much better than everyone else… and so we ate them too.”
All together, three teams of rescue personnel were eaten before Highwaymen coaches and players were eventually coaxed out of the plane with tickets to some stupid Ukrainian dancing thing.
The Highwaymen remain hopelessly out of playoff contention but have invited league leaders to the team’s annual fundraising dinner to…. ‘speak’ at the event.