For Immediate Release
HIGHWAYMEN REACH OUT TO LEAGUE GOVERNORS
October 5, 2010 (Yellowhead, Sk) In an unprecedented gesture, Yellowhead Highwaymen owner/coach, Captain Jarrett Rusnak, has reached out to his fellow league governors to sponsor a mission to Matrimonial Blisshinstein in an effort to locate and rescue CK Barnagel owner, Richard Kies. “Vibrant young man go to that place and disappear, only to reemerge years later broken, old, and tired.”
Kies was reported missing over the weekend and a search of his home uncovered clues to his possible whereabouts. “We found brochures to Matrimonial Blisshinstein located under a pile of empty pizza boxes,” began Rusnak. “We were also alarmed to discover his stack of porn magazines, DVDs, and penis enlargement devices tossed in the recycle bin.”
There is little in the way of agreement on how to proceed in the matter. Matrimonial Blisshinstein is a closed country and has no diplomatic relations with any other nation. Extracting Kies forcibly could cause an international incident. “Right now we’re looking at our options, but we’re just a bunch of guys, not CSIS,” said Rusnak.
Sixth Sense offered to conduct a memorial service, and Team Tillman is slated to deliver the eulogy. A memorial torch remains lit outside Golf’s Steakhouse.