Demolition

Met some of my future neighbours last night at a special ‘demolition party’ held at the old Plains Hotel.  The building is set to be demolished in the next two months and over the next two and a half years the tallest building in Saskatchewan will spring forth from the dust.  I will be occupying a 15th floor corner space of that building when the time comes.  Very exciting.

I have an assignment coming up in my Religious Studies class in a couple weeks.  I have to compare two feminist theologians and rank them on the reform/counter culture spectrum.  All of the women we’ve studied so far started off in one place, and through disappointment and/or disillusionment, wound up in another.  I’m getting the impression that most mindful people begin to lose their faith as the years pass, and then something causes them to reassemble the pieces in ways they were never intended.

I count myself among that group.  I find myself making a subconscious effort to make sense of the mysteries in life by picking and choosing from the best parts of a wide spectrum of ideas, philosophies, psychologies, and personal experiences.  I’m very tepidly demolishing the faith I grew up in.  This reality is scary to admit to myself because I have many fond memories of that faith.  I like everything about it, except for its core doctrines.  All that’s left is the sense of community, the spirituality, the ambience, and the way it makes me feel.

Does that make any sense?

I don’t even know if what’s left is a foundation, a structure, or an aether.  I’ve been injecting a gooey taoist core to this new faith creation.  Vaginas belong in there as well.  Seriously.

My sexual desires for women are something I continue to struggle with.  It seems natural on one hand, but kind of ‘dirty’ on the other.  How much of that is the product of growing up in my church, and how much of it is simply making practical sense.  Too many women in the picture fog things up.  Love and desire clash and fuse in unstable ways.  Sometimes it’s best not to think about it too much.  Monogamy makes sense for this reason… but maybe with a clause to opt out or renew at frequent intervals.

I really have no idea of any of it fits together with any of it.  Blowing shit up is kind of fun though.

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