Larry Brody, a life long writer in television said that most writers he knows are people who feel like they never really fit in anywhere. They always find themselves off to the side, watching everything and trying to understand the connections.
I’ve never been comfortable accepting that part of myself. I enjoy my people watching time, but when I do wish to dive in, unless I’m the centre of attention, I find it difficult figuring out my place in the mix. I’ll be sitting in the middle of a Rider game, and I could never imagine myself being one of those crazy fans who’s bringing plastic fuck dolls to the game and carrying on like a lunatic (not sober anyway). I find myself sitting in the middle of a group of people, and I’m quickly casing out who the hot chicks are, and how the dynamic works with everyone.
I have my moments. I can be quite lively at times. I can make most people laugh. I can be counted on to say outrageous things at inappropriate times. I can stand in front of people, engage them, and make them remember me. I like doing those things. But that’s not really me in my natural state.
If I can’t sit back, watch the world go by, and revel in my ‘me’ time, I can’t be me. I have nothing in the tank for my ‘public’ face, and I have nothing to say about nothing because I didn’t take the time to think about it. I’ve noticed a big shift in myself since I started writing in my blog regularly. I’m better. Much more betterer.
When Larry Brody wrote about his observations of writers, it really resonated with me. Instead of feeling insecure about my place in a group of people, I’ll just accept my nature and be better for it.