The Line

I’m at war with myself.  I make decisions that are spurred on by my dick.  I like to think of myself as being a little more high minded, but clearly that’s not always the case.  All I need is a little sniff, and I’ll pursue that vagina over mountains and across oceans until I track it down.  Almost nothing will overcome that single mindedness.

Where matters of the heart are concerned, I am far less determined.  I dove in head first twice in my life.  Once I got married, and once I emerged broken and hollow.  Let’s call it a draw.

I’d rather fall in love than get laid, but getting laid is so much easier.  Having said that, I never really pursued anyone with that same single mindedness.  I don’t have ‘relationships’ with women.  We’re either friends or fuck buddies (or one night stands).

The war within is taking casualties.  I feel myself growing thinner and hollower.  I give up pieces of myself to every woman I share my bed with, and I take nothing in return.  I’m not growing from these experiences.  I’m wilting.

Starting today, I’m drawing a line in the sand.  Only real things are allowed passed that line.  It’s going to take some time, but I’ll find my balance again.  I’ll get back to being a me that’s worth giving to someone.

1 thought on “The Line

  1. “quaestio mihi factus sum” (I have been made a question to myself)

    drawing lines is like jumping over your own shadow cuz reality, like truth, is a relative interpretation. your being will find balance and freedom only when you can look into your own heart. if you don’t like what you find, you ought to throw it away to make room for that which you seek (be it love or the canyon of the vaginas)

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