Being Good

The following is an excerpt from my philosophy article, ‘Boredom, Assholes, and God’s Big Swinging Balls’.


All we can do, it seems, is do.  This isn’t just a moral position, but also a practical one.

Think about it.  If we try to act against God’s laws of nature, we always wind up taking it up the ass.  The effort it takes to move all the balls in the air, bend them to our will, is mammoth.  And even then, the success of such an effort is usually a mirage.  History shows that God’s big balls always return to their natural orbits over time.

It seems we’re at our best, when we work within the system, a system that has perpetuated itself for billions of years.  In taking our eyes off the wall, in choosing to join in on God’s big swinging ball party, we figure out that we are at our best, when we do our best to keep the party going.  There are rules in place, not because God’s a control freak, but because things are more enjoyable when everyone takes responsibility for everyone else’s fun at the party.

Thou shalt not leave turds in the punch bowl

Thou shalt not fuck up the vibe in the room with drama

Thou shalt not play shitty Wal-Mart music on the stereo system

Thou shalt not pig out on the Hors d’oeuvres

Thou shalt not brood about shit that don’t matter

Thou shalt respect every asshole in the room

Thou shalt share thine booze

Thou shalt move thine ass on the dance floor

Thou shalt laugh

Thou shalt bring the best of thineself, and share with the room for the pleasure of all

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