I think I’ve written in the past about the incredible freedom I have with my career. I thoroughly enjoy my lifestyle. I like to wake up around 7:30, fuck around for an hour at home, then head to Atlantis to read the newspaper and write. I start ‘working’ at around 10, sometimes moving to the office, sometimes just staying where I am. I try to keep my goals for each day simple… make it be primarily about one thing, and when I accomplish that goal, I feel really great about myself. As I pursue the day’s goal, I leave lots of time for personal reflection, reading, and mindless drivel. In this way, the day just kind of unfolds as it will. I’ve been following this pattern for about 4 months now and I’ve never been in a better headspace.
The price of all this freedom is security. I have no guaranteed income. I just pursue projects, collaborate with people, and keep pitching. Things usually have a way of working out, but never in a predictable pattern. I do cash flow projections, plan ‘b’ scenarios, and a bit of nervous pacing, usually to no fruitful end. Things never unfold as I project them, if they unfold at all. The best I can do really, is to simply have faith that if I keep doing enough of the right things, good things will happen. New opportunities are everywhere and I just need to be patient.
I’m sure I could work for someone else, have more security in my life. But I know I would be unhappy, far more unhappy than the uncomfortable churning I get in my stomach when I worry about money. Things are a bit lean right now, but I have money coming in. I’ve already sent the invoices out and everything. I’m just not sure when it will show up.
Today the worry started to become a bit more than I could handle. There was no good reason for this worry. Today was no different than any other day. I figured I was simply ‘imbalanced’. I needed to root myself. I left the office at 2:30 and ran some errands. Then I went home and cleaned my apartment for 2 hours. I felt great afterwards.
Still do. I love my life.