Paying for Simplicity

I think I’ve written in the past about the incredible freedom I have with my career.  I thoroughly enjoy my lifestyle.  I like to wake up around 7:30, fuck around for an hour at home, then head to Atlantis to read the newspaper and write.  I start ‘working’ at around 10, sometimes moving to the office, sometimes just staying where I am.  I try to keep my goals for each day simple… make it be primarily about one thing, and when I accomplish that goal, I feel really great about myself.  As I pursue the day’s goal, I leave lots of time for personal reflection, reading, and mindless drivel.  In this way, the day just kind of unfolds as it will.  I’ve been following this pattern for about 4 months now and I’ve never been in a better headspace.

The price of all this freedom is security.  I have no guaranteed income.  I just pursue projects, collaborate with people, and keep pitching.  Things usually have a way of working out, but never in a predictable pattern.  I do cash flow projections, plan ‘b’ scenarios, and a bit of nervous pacing, usually to no fruitful end.  Things never unfold as I project them, if they unfold at all.  The best I can do really, is to simply have faith that if I keep doing enough of the right things, good things will happen.  New opportunities are everywhere and I just need to be patient.

I’m sure I could work for someone else, have more security in my life.  But I know I would be unhappy, far more unhappy than the uncomfortable churning I get in my stomach when I worry about money.  Things are a bit lean right now, but I have money coming in.  I’ve already sent the invoices out and everything.  I’m just not sure when it will show up.

Today the worry started to become a bit more than I could handle.  There was no good reason for this worry.  Today was no different than any other day.  I figured I was simply ‘imbalanced’.  I needed to root myself.  I left the office at 2:30 and ran some errands.  Then I went home and cleaned my apartment for 2 hours.  I felt great afterwards.

Still do.  I love my life.

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